I found this post that I wrote about 3 years ago on a bad travel night.....Thought I would share.
Ahhhhh….Woe is me.
Another weekend of travel nightmares and victories. Another half-polite question of “Would you like pretzels or Biscotti Cookies?” Another evening of a roughly accented man telling me how my precious, uncomfortable seat can be used as a floatation device for my ginormous self in the ocean. Another 4 hours with my sweaty seatmate who has reasonably decided to lift the armrest between us so that he too can share my overpriced seat.
My life is in constant movement. Whether it is chasing C through the house to defeat his battle of succumbing to sleep or choreographing a number to appear on a stage…I know that I am pretty much in movement from morning till night. But lately, most of my movement, or LACK THEREOF has been related to an over-committed travel schedule.
I have a hard time saying no. I over extend….Over commit….Overdo…at least when it comes to dance my husband says. But lately I have seen more airplane interiors than a flight attendant. So in thanks to my wonderous travels the last 2 weekends, I must say thank you Delta.
Delta, I want to take a moment of my busy life to thank you. I have been blessed to fly your amazing airline 4 times in the last 2 weeks and to say it has been memorable is an understatement. Please allow me to share my quality Delta time with you.
First off, thanks for buying Northwest Airlines. What a great decision. I really enjoyed the NWA/Delta flight that was 3 hours late for no given reason, delayed in the gate for another hour, and then had no air conditioning until we were in the air for over an hour (see sweaty man comment from above). After a mystery mechanical error that somehow “repaired itself” and the tug which moves the plane from the gate got stuck, it was bound to be an effortless flight. I really loved how the Northwest technician was heard banging a random piece of metal near the airplane tire to get the plane loose. Good call.
Secondly, hats off to those attentive flight attendants. Once you finally served me a drink,I set my mostly full can of Diet Coke on my ever-so-dependable tray table. 15 minutes later I begin to realize that I am feeling very moist and warm only to look down and see the entire can of brown liquid has emptied itself into my seat after my sweet Exit Row tray table broke off one set of its hinges. With “sweaty man” snoring at my side, I quickly stand up and begin paddling the sugary sweet soda onto the floor. As I ring my “ever-ready to help” flight attendant call button, she comes to my rescue to see my soaked black yoga pants and irritated smirk. Does she offer a towel? A Sham-Wow? Or how about a DRY seat? No, no….even better, she asks me if she can get me another soda. Seriously? Did the neurons fire off on this one or what?
As a side note…..Thankfully, I did get off that flight to have a 21 year-old idiot on the escalator tell me “It looks like you might have sat in something” to which I replied with a completely serious face “REALLY? (checking the extrordinarilly drippingly wet back of my pants) “Gee, I hadn’t noticed..Thanks man”.
Then I move onto the tram with my car keys in hand, really to get home and anxious to kill my next victim that so much as says anything to me when “Coach Obnoxious” opens his mouth. A overly-agrressive, Notre Dame jacket-wearing jerk warns me that my suitcase is unzipped. After exchanging unnecessary, meaningless jabber he learns that I am a choreographer. He slurs, “So you tell people what to do?”
“Yes, I suppose so”, perched with my keys ready to maim my next victim.
His eyebrows shoot up as he says, “I guess my ex-wife was a choreographer too because she was always telling me what to do”.
Wahhh Wahhhh Waaaaaahhhhhh…….. He’s lucky he made it off that tram without a swift kick to his nether-regions.
Back to Delta…..Thankfully Delta, you have continued to entertain my life with super customer service. Special thanks to Habib who told me I could sleep in my car until the next flight….or Shaniqua who effortlessly told me to CANCEL my itinerary online so that she could re-book my flight and then tried to charge me $150 to re-book. Special thanks to her supervisor “Annie” who’s accent was so thick that I am pretty darn sure that was her secret agent name, who drop-kicked Shaniqua and set things straight.
Moreso, I am so glad that you provide electronic kiosks for boarding passing in Las Vegas that actually close after 12:30am. I was so glad to learn that last weekend as I attempted to quick-print my boarding pass as I ran to security. Who’d a thunk that those little silver machines “close”? Isn’t that the whole point to keep them open so that you don’t have to pay real people? Regardless, thanks for helping me miss my flight and kill an entire day of work where I had rehearsals planned. It was awesome.
As I sit here tonight at the Four Points Sheraton Hotel….stranded at another airport…on another Sunday evening….I hold tight to my precious $7.00 food vouchers and look anxiously to my 2 flights home in the early dawn hours with you Delta. After an evening of watching your “Estimated departure time” tick further and further past my Atlanta connection time, I quickly saw my chances of holding my sweet C in my arms dwindling away. After many more phone calls to speak to Delta representative “Ishmael”, “Jackie”, and “Tom” I knew I had exhausted my efforts to see my home sweet home lights of Sin City and hung my head low as I pushed “5″ on the elevator en route to my humid and dusty smelling hotel room.
I am pleading with you Delta….Get me home safely and on time for once. That’s all I am asking because I am pretty sure I will not ever fly you again unless I am forced. I am a tried and true Southwest Airlines loyal flier and I strayed for the last 2 weekends for the “convenience” of flying more directly to my location. Yet again, I have learned that flying “close enough” to my locale and spending 2 quiet hours in a rental car where I am in control is my best bet to get to my finish line.
As I pull back to germ-ridden comforter in this 14×14 box of a hotel room, I will attempt to sleep off this nightmare and awaken to a simple day with a girl on an airplane. But I warn you, don’t mess with me. One more delayed flight due to incompetence…one more flight attendant with a catty idea…and this Southern Bell WILL come unglued.
Good night sweet friends.
